august august got me hoping  it would be september but when the shorter nights turned somber and cold they cast my gaze down and my eyes couldn’t lift from the ground on the pavement right there lay the fallen leaves  along with my fractured hopes — a still life I specifically remember  one night in a dimly lit bar amidst the murmur  of the fortunes hiding in the dark I thought I had found you emerging from the staff bathroom  thoughtlessly clasping what I thought were my fingers but I felt no touch it was the cold or the buzz  that had left me numb I’m saying I specifically, remember you us in almost complete loneliness above the cold asphalt quietly creeping from my toes through my thighs, my belly, my throat, all the way up to my runny, rosy nose I thought I heard your laughter the sweetest tickle I have yet to know— a sound I can’t let go I specifically remember  a rather strange hug down in the subway, us swallowing our pride your arms st...

my wandering eyes searching for escape under faint bluish light between silver birch halls where space feels tight as the corpses line up I am caught in the trap of snapping branches and the flapping of wings to the shots of your anger it’s your sweet smothering mouth poisoning my mind with pleading prayers for me to come by as if you didn't have me, as if I had a choice as if you had not intercepted a heart that pounds too fast, the shortness of breath, and two legs that fail to run  but instead, quiver  to the sound of your cries, as if each word were a bullet and this hunt, a rehearsed ball please, stop looking  at my wandering, lost eyes they’re searching for the escape as if I didn't understand that I have no choice as if you were not the predator and my legs could dance,  instead I’m snared and they’re  cold, pale, tied up

please // 20 oct 23 refrain from sharing  photos of your face your freckled arms, hands or legs I kindly ask you  to avoid stepping all corners of my city —once shared with you— long ago it felt safe now it’s haunted by the hope of running into you by chance I implore you, to free yourself  from colonizing the streets I for once could avoid infection  to my frail mental state should you choose to ignore me then do appear on every stage wearing your tainted name but hide your looks under a veil and replace your demeanor  for that of the subtle tide trade your tone for something  unknown our egos put to rest I beg you, please transform yourself into any other much like I’m trying to be another who’s not in love with you sooner than later: us  as friends // 23 oct 23 first version (noël’s fave) sooner than later, us we’ll be holding hands again looking into each other’s eyes laughing about anything or everything soon...